Love and Mariage and 5 Excuses to Call it Quits: debunked

It's Valentine's Day and love-themed things are in the air.... but my article isn't about your typical love themes for the month of February.  Nah, I thought I would go against the grain and talk about the unlovely ideas.  Especially ones pertaining to marriage and those big misconceptions out there. The ones which often lead to strained marriages and, ultimately (too often) to divorce.

You know, the unlovely ideas like "I'm just not in love with my husband anymore/the spark is gone"  or "You don't understand what a pain he can be, it is so hard to love him, besides, he never does anything for me... even when I bend over backwards for him...." or "He has changed since we got married/he's not the man I married." or, the hardest one, "I never really loved him to begin with" implying the marriage thing was a sort of 'why not' knee-jerk reaction.... which can also spark "We weren't Christians when we got married...." and either the Christian version of the marriage is different and dis-satisfying or one spouse is saved while the other isn't... and somehow this justifies parting ways.

Ladies, my life is a testimony to every.single.one of these statements.  My e-book, Testimonies, the Power of Prayer isn't currently posted because I pulled it down for editing adjustments but when I re-post, trust me, there isn't an excuse anyone can yield I haven't already lived through at some level. And while my husband is a Christian now... it doesn't mean this marriage thing is always a cake walk. So let's break these down...

#1 -  "I'm just not in love with my husband anymore/the 'spark' is gone"

This statement drives me crazy.  They all do, actually, but I think this one does the most.  First of all, you can re-spark if your heart is rightly focused (read on to see what I mean)  Secondly, this idea completely escapes the purpose and power of marriage as God designed it and turns it into a self-serving vehicle which is suppose to propel one through life.  It implies that our spouse's value in love status hinges on emotion rather then devotion.  My personal favorite quote from the Bible on this:

The heart is deceitful above all things, and desperately sick; who can understand it?  

- Jeremiah 17:9

Our feelings are fickle.  We may go through a day... or even a week... or even a few years of not feeling in love with someone.  But if God didn't stop the marriage before you walked down the isle (even if you were secular, and I will address that in a minute) then he has you together for a reason.

I could write for hours on this one but the other points will add to it and, can I just say, put your feelings in your feelings wagon and pull it along as long as it takes... trust me... if you serve your husband as if you were serving the Lord and doing it with a love-because-Jesus-does kind of love... you won't regret it.  Which leads to the next point...

#2 -  "You don't understand what a pain he can be, it is so hard to love him, besides, he never does anything for me... even when I bend over backwards for him...."

I do, actually, and so does Jesus, His self-sacrifice embodies this. I prayed for my husband in his absolutely impossible attitude for 10 years (no exaggeration) and in that time God showed me my roll: to serve my husband for God's Glory: To bend over backwards day-in-and-day-out with absolutely no reward for years on end.  To this day, it is a big part of my husband's testimony: a wife who's attitude was so completely different towards him that he couldn't help but wonder what Power could love him even when he was unlovable.

Think about it like this ... what if Christ grew tiered of bending over backwards for us?  What if he yanked the whip out of the hands of his torturers, or punched and spit back at his accusers, or got down off the cross and said "You know, I don't think so, no one ever does anything for me except treat me like junk and use me...."  How DEEP was the love he showed when we (you and me) didn't deserve it?  How extraordinary is it that this very love is what exemplifies sacrifice and how we ought to be to one-another?

LOVE isn't gushy, mushy feel-good reciprocatory stuff.  No, Jesus tells us exactly what it is:

This is my commandment, that you love one another as I have loved you. Greater love has no one than this, that someone lay down his life for his friends.

- John 15:12-13

You may say... Jesus said for his "friends"... don't use semantics, it is as simple as it sounds and whether you think of a spouse as a friend or otherwise... it is all the same.  As a matter of fact, your spouse should be your best friend and if he is not, you might want to start working there.

#3 - "He has changed since we got married/he's not the man I married." 

And so have you.  Whether or not you see it in yourself.  For good and bad.  Life is full of change, especially the personal kind, it is also part of what keeps relationships interesting... re-learning and understanding each other.  See above two points if this is a difficult concept.

#4 - "I never really loved him to begin with"

 I'm sorry to hear that.  But walking down the isle was your choice.  Whether or not you (or your spouse) were a Christian at the time or getting married for good reasons or bad.  You are married for a reason. God honors your union (again, He could have stopped you before you walked down the isle, but he didn't) now you need to honor God in your union. 

For centuries (and even in some countries to this day) betrothal was common place.  Many of these relationships did not start in love, but God often grew love there for those who let Him work.  Point #1 and #2 can be applied here as well.  Even if you weren't Christians to begin with... even if you are the only Christ follower in the relationship... God has you together for a reason, trust Him, trust His plan, I promise, it is a good one.

#5 - "We weren't Christians when we got married...." and either the Christian version of the marriage is different and dis-satisfying or one spouse is saved while the other isn't...

Neither were me and my husband.  I can't begin to tell you the spectrum of tough things he was doing and continued to do even after I re-dedicated my life to Christ.  I begged God to let me leave and this is what God showed me:

To the rest I say (I, not the Lord) that if any brother has a wife who is an unbeliever, and she consents to live with him, he should not divorce her. If any woman has a husband who is an unbeliever, and he consents to live with her, she should not divorce him. For the unbelieving husband is made holy because of his wife, and the unbelieving wife is made holy because of her husband. Otherwise your children would be unclean, but as it is, they are holy....  For how do you know, wife, whether you will save your husband? Or how do you know, husband, whether you will save your wife? 

- 1 Corinthians 7:12-14,16

Did I mention God has a plan?  After 10 years of prayer, I really began to doubt that I was ever going to see my husband embrace salvation.  Then, one day, he did.  Not just a pue warmer kind of faith... no, a drop-down-all-in-no-turning-back kind of faith is what God rewarded us with.  He still has his quarks and areas in which he challenges my patience and my "love".  But, remember, love isn't an emotion, it is devotion.  Christ stayed devoted to me so, even on the hardest days, I stay devoted to my spouse ♥

***

So why does everyone ignore all these facts and still grab after the Big "D".  Honestly... their eyes are not on God.  Nope.  Eyes, at that point, are on what a person wants for themselves and feels is best for self and thinking they know better then God on the matter. You see this in statements like, "I just want to be happy" or "I can't be happy with him" or "He just doesn't make me happy anymore".  But we aren't guaranteed "happiness" in this life under any situation, even marriage.

The other porblem... too many women compare their marriage or husband to others.  They see happier wives or more doteing husbands and the longing kicks in.  Whether these 'model' marriages have more going on under the surface then we see or not is irrelevant.  That is the other person's marriage... that is not where God has called us... it is where He has called them: what we choose to do with those God gives us and if/how we allow God to shine through us to others is much more important then the model life or what we think would be better vs. what God knows is in HIS plans for us.

What's more, remember, God HATES divorce and it goes against every GOOD plan he has for us.  Not to mention, divorce goes against the very character of the unity of the God-head.  God speaks His heart simply on the matter through Paul:

To the married I give this charge (not I, but the Lord): the wife should not separate from her husband (but if she does, she should remain unmarried or else be reconciled to her husband), and the husband should not divorce his wife. 

- 1 Corinthians 7:10-11

Most people considering divorce falsely assume they would be happier and more fulfilled with someone else.  A) according to God's Word, you are commanded NOT to remarry if you divorce, it is considered adultery if you do! and B) the grass really isn't greener.  I know, I've been there, before I rededicated my life to Christ.

Like my own story with my husband, God can use YOUR attitude and perseverance to draw your husband into relationship with Him.  It isn't always easy... but God never promised that it would be.  Are you willing to lay your life down for another... especially the one who you pledged to, 'till death do you part'?

There is hope in renewal of the love that can exist in the bond of marriage.  Your marriage is your ministry... first to your spouse and second to all who may need to know what devotion looks like.  I promise, a love like this will bring such depth to your marriage once you find it, you'll wish you had discovered it much sooner!

Blessings,

Linking up today with some of these...

A resource which helped me immensely as I learned how to pray for my husband and love him when he was unloveable was The Power of a Praying Wife by Stormie Omartian.  No matter where your marriage is, I HIGHLY recommend this read!

Keepers at Home: Menu Monday, Spring Cleaning and List Making

 

As promised last week, today I launch the NEW and improved Menu Monday mashed up with Keepers at Home.  I hope you enjoy the retool!

Life this week...
After 4/5 of our household being sick last week, I am looking forward to "normal" this week (as of writing this, I'm still not feeling much better... hopefully that changes!).  Our car has been fickle lately and we won't be able to get it in the shop until the end of the month so it remains to be seen whether our usual schedule of events will be in play... like Youth Group on Wednesday night.

I was blessed with a new camera, which arrives Tuesday (Happy Valentine's Day!).  After many years of use, my old one gave out on me about 3 years ago.  I've been using my cell phone camera ever since. If we can manage a happy car one day this week, I would like to go take this new ministry tool for a test-drive somewhere lovely in our town... and not too taxing on the engine.  I love to play around creatively with picture taking and have missed it since my old one died!

Logan Pass, Glacier National Park

Sketching in the park

Front Porch Garden in Storm

Cross by Big Fork

1st Time Mowing Lawn

You get the idea!  I'm also excited for the new camera because taking and uploading new pictures here on the site has been near impossible since this past fall when an update suddenly made my phone incompatible with my computer.  It is a long story and my techy hunny has looked high and low into solutions to no avail... loosing my memory card in the process.  I'm looking forward to sharing fresh pictures here on the blog... especially for the Menu Monday section!!

Keeping Home...
Spring Cleaning and List Making
Spring cleaning is in the air as I type this.  Disinfecting after the big sickness here and then crazy warm weather after absolute arctic chills... my doors and windows are open to move the air on through.

When I think of spring cleaning, I also think of lists.

Yeah, I'm a list maker.  It is sort of an obsession with me.  Like, seriously, one look into my Homemaking file on my computer would reveal a plethora of lists, half of which are revisions of revisions of revisions to accommodate seasons or given taste... or evolving need.

You may laugh at me, or agree with me, but I am here to tell ya ladies... a list and a routine (you stick with!) are phenomenal tools in managing your home... and an ability to notice needed adjustments along with the inevitable; get back on track because you got off... or got lazy... but I am sure you wouldn't get lazy, right?  Well, I have.  I think it is just the doldrums. 

None-the-less, lately I have gotten lazy!  (Tell me ladies, how often do you fall into that rut?!)  We do the basics... whatever is the least we need to do to get by and make the house look good.  No cares for the cobwebs or the appliance wipe-downs or the mopping (seriously, I know, that is bad)... there are a handful of incidentals that are easy to look the other way on... until hubby notices and cringes or company drops in and my mind scatters, wondering if the corners of the bathroom floor got wiped out.... this month!

I have a nifty check-list I ignore I mean use... Ok I need to get back to using.  It works GREAT when I do. I designed it shortly after moving into our new house.  I used a printed out blank sheet like the one below:

Click me to Download PDF

For the first few weeks I collected a list of the different areas and things I needed to keep up on.  I started with a sheet for each room (both bathrooms shared a sheet) so the collection of to-dos was more concise.  After I felt I had exhausted the needs of each room for a week, I sat down and typed up a final draft with all the rooms collected on one sheet. 

I print and keep a copy in my planner.  I print a fresh one for each week, but you could print a master copy and place it in a glossy sheet protector to hang where it won't easily rub off and re-use with a dry-erase marker.


Why set-up a static cleaning list?

• Seeing the details of cleaning in each room or area helps you remember how big (or small) a job is so you can be sure to allot the appropriate amount of time for each task.
• It makes relegating chores more streamlined.  You can place each family member's initials next to a given chore and then they are responsible for making sure to complete the task and check it off the list.

I believe getting a hold of my weekly chores will be critical as we approach spring cleaning.
  #1 - less crumbs now = less ants later
  #2 - making regular cleaning needs a habit before introducing BIG cleaning projects
         in the spring will make life much easier
  #3 - a clean house is a healthier house!
  #4 - if cleaning laziness has set in through the winter doldrums, getting back into routine
         will build stamina for the spring clean up ahead


Something special to share...
In honor of Valentine's Day I thought I would revive a recipe I shared 2 Aprils ago. It is crazy simple and deliciously sweet...

Chocolate Covered Cherry Cake

You can click on the link within the title to be whisked away to the recipe and directions.  This picture is from when I made it for my birthday and tacked some periwinkle silk blossoms on top.  You could easily place a  cherry or rose or some other lovely thing as a garnish... or leave it simply glazed.  No matter how you serve it from the outside, you will make mouths water and tummies thankful with the inside...

Menu for this week...
I usually try to schedule our dinners around my son's work schedule.  Teenage boys tend to eat a bit more than the rest of us!  He works about 4 nights a week.  Hubby and I probably will not go out for Valentine's Day this year, but I will plan a fun dinner for everyone... and maybe even a special dessert!

BREAKFAST....
- cereal/oatmeal
- eggs
- fresh bread with butter and jam


LUNCH....
hubby: sausage and rice
me and kids: leftovers, grilled sandwiches, grilled tuna sandwiches, mac-n-cheese


DINNER....

Monday

Chicken and Broccoli Bake

A new recipe I developed.  I fry up chicken pieces (usually cut about 1-2" x 1/2") in butter/margarine with garlic and onion powder.  I mix it in a buttered backing dish with frozen broccoli (when I remember, I will thaw it in some hot water so it is a bit soft before it cooks), I toss in a sprinkling of cheddar cheese and then spread some cheddar cheese sprinkles in a thin layer over the top.  I bake at 375 for about 20-30 minutes and serve with some fresh bread, french bread or rolls.  It is a new family favorite!

Tuesday ❤

Beef Stroganoff, Mashed Potato, Green Beans and still TBD Dessert

Super easy and cost-effective meal.  I've shared the recipe before but just in case you missed it then:

1.5 - 2 lbs ground beef (or turkey), fry with some chopped onion, drain off grease about when meat is about half-done, sprinkle on garlic powder, salt and pepper to taste.  Spritz in some Worcestershire sauce.  Add 2 cans Cream of Mushroom soup, 1/2 can beef stock (I use water and half a teaspoon beef bullion and the mushroom soup can filled half way with water) and 1-2 Tbsp Worcestershire sauce. Stir and warm well over medium heat and serve over mashed potatoes or egg noodles.  (You can add parsley and/or fresh garlic when cooking for additional flavor)

Wednesday
Spaghetti and Cheesy Bread Sticks

Thursday
Chicken Pot Pie
I use a basic pie crust recipe, rolled out into a casserole dish.  I make chicken gravy using Wondera (you can also use cream of chicken soup), mix in cubed cooked chicken and a bag of mixed frozen veggies.  Bake @ 350-375 for 30-45 minutes or until crust begins to brown on edges.

Friday
Pizza


Saturday
Burger and Veggie Stix Chips

  
What are you doing and cooking this week?


Blessings,

Linking up today with some of these...

Homeschool Journal: February 2017

Welcome to the 'new' [reviving old ideas] weekly [almost] meme here on Faith and Home!  As I prepared for this week's BIG Blogiversary post and e-book I realized one of the regular posts I missed was the Homeschool Mother's Journal.  There have been various blog parties hosted by bloggers who have come and gone over the years, yet, the two timelessly on-going link-ups are at iHomeschool Network and Kris over at Weird Unsocialized Homeschoolers (I think it was the name that drew me in so many years ago!!

iHomeschool Network is a great resource for homeschoolers.  I encourage you to check them out (link in text) for a plethora of articles and resources.  They are the most recent hosts of the weekly-turned-monthly meme, "Homeschooling Mother's Journal", which (I believe) was started many years ago by the Homeschool Chick.  It has switched hands a few times so I may have the source wrong!  At any rate, I'm grateful to see it is still going with all the great moms linking up and sharing their homeschooling lives in the script the link up provides.

Weird Unsocialized Homeschoolers  is a fun and personal site for REAL homeschooling in action!  Kris is a veteran, having graduated one homeschooler so far.  I simply love her honesty and her site, which I found back in the early days of my own blog. All these years she has faithfully hosted a "Weekly Wrap-up" where she shares pictures and tidbits from their homeschooling week (and life in general) along with a link-up where other homeschooling bloggers chime in with life as well.


As for today, I thought I would check in with the monthly link-up at iHomeschool and answer some of their guided questions for the month of February.  To see other blogger's posts in this meme you can visit this link and join me as I also link up with other REAL homeschoolers writing off script over at Weird Unsocialized...!

• In my life this month…

Started the month out sick :-(  We were planning a week break at the end of the month to coincide with the arrival of our tax return, but decided to take it this week instead so we could recuperate.

Working on getting Faith and Home blogging back into full swing as well (remember that year I hit 175 posts?  I'm aiming high this year!!  Why?  Because I love blogging!).  The fall's hiatus to manage a challenging situation is behind us.  Lessons are tucked away and well-learned as we step forward, mostly wiser, looking to God for what is next.

Otherwise, February is mostly a lay-low month as we have fully transitioned out of the holiday season and are waiting on spring.  Next month is when life really kicks up again.  For now we rest, school and plan for spring.  My gardening journal came out this week as I begin to consider which seeds I need to start soon.  It is rather ironic as snow storm after snow storm blows through our area!

• In our homeschool this month…

We took approximately a month and a half off in the fall to handle some monumental issues happening around here.  The consequence: staying the course as we headed into the new year.  So far so good and, if we hadn't gotten sick, Brenden and Brooke were more than ready to plug on and even wanted to forgo the break!

In history we are studying the constitution and the early years of our nation.  Brooke will be assembling a power-point presentation as we go. In science we are dabbling in meteorology.  I'm hoping to pull together a few experiments.

Also, I am trying to encourage Brenden in some of those "random" pursuits, so when he sketched out an idea for a shelf he wanted to build and put on his newly inherited dresser... I dropped my own plans to be sure he didn't chop off a finger!  It was totally worth it:

He amazes me.

• My favorite thing this month…

Snow! 

It is so pretty when it falls and piles, although, it will likely start melting soon.  We were told, when first moving here, that this area doesn't get much snow... and when it does, Carpi Diem because it will melt the next day.  Well, 3 out of the 4 years we have been here so far have seen piles of the white stuff sticking around for weeks... even months!  I'm not complaining!  Instead, I am inspired to pursue my amateur photographer passion (and by amateur, I mean, I really don't know what I am doing but I love to point and click and try to capture light and essence...!) 

One other great thing about snow...

... personal sized snowmen!

• What’s working/not working for us…

Our schedule and remembering how my kids actually love to do 'school at home'... they request it when I try anything else!  The longer I homeschool, the more confidence I gain to not feel like I need to try every new fad anymore.  (I'm planning a full article on this very thing!)

As far as what's 'not' working, I would probably have to say; finding a way to work in some outing time.  We have been so focused on our schedule and making up for the fall's time off that I believe we are in danger of burn-out if I don't find a way to work in some 'field trips' every couple weeks.

• Homeschool thoughts I have…

I have been hearing a lot about the homeschool winter doldrums, especially from those who find themselves 'stranded' by the weather and 'stuck' at home.  I believe this is another area I would like to pop up an article.  One bit of encouragement if this is you: have adventures!  Yes, right there in your own house... set out to adventure each day.  It could be a scavenger hunt, or a baking quest... it could be a game or a chapter book... you could even do an art project or paint a bird house to plop outside in spring!

• A photo, video, link, or quote to share…

Seriously.  He's a sassy cat.  We were mid-lesson when I looked up to see him just sitting there on this stool we happened to have in front of our dry erase board. It was as if he were a child being punished with the "dunce" chair at the front of the class.  So we quick made him a hat (which he wouldn't wear for some reason!) and snapped a shot. I even caught him with his tongue sticking out!!

• On my blog in case you missed it…

  My 8th Blogiversary was on the 8th and through God's good grace I was able to launch my second e-book (feel free to click on image and pick up your FREE copy!!)

 

So that is our homeschool for this month.  I will try to be back next week with some pop-outs of topics I discussed in general here.  In the mean time, I pray your homeschool is hopping even if the temperature is still dropping (don't blame me, talk to Punxsutawney Phil!)

Blessings,

Linking up today with some of these...