She warms my heart. No one fully knows the crazy challenges we have faced, in all their chaotic detail, raising her into the sweet girl she is today. I have blogged over the years and shared some...
...praying for a heart for the daughter I loved but couldn't understand...
...learning how to teach (and have extraordinary patience with) an ADHD child...
...trying to string her through the higher expectations of high school when she
is so strong willed!
Nope, it hasn't been easy.
Sometimes her impulsiveness lead to unfortunate and even awkward situations. Mostly it resulted in relationships we had to help her learn how to repair (and not repeat certain mistakes). I have even prayed over potential depression or panic disorder issues and working with her to learn how to focus on Christ and talk to the right people to get through it. We have even endured the concern and tests of potential temporal seizures... tests which remain inconclusive but did identify temporal activity. Yet......
She has done marvelously.
God's hand is on her, we see It in how she has grown and overcome so many challenges. And now, we stand on the doorstop of higher education and I am scared and nervous all over again. Will she pay attention in class to get full notes? Will her flaky and flighty tendencies obstruct her ability to not only understand but also retain the information presented? Will she set her strong will aside to give the ground needed for compromise in relationships (both academic and personal)? Will she remember all the lessons learned through impulsive mishaps... and not repeat old mistakes? Will the pressure of higher academics push her more willy-nilly into depressive or panic-type episodes? Will the stress of studies insight temporal activity resulting in more seizure type episodes?
Can she do it?
I think she can. I think she can because I am not in control and she is not in control and the people of the wonderful Christian College we are looking at are not in control. I think she can because she (and we) believe in a greater Power at work to guide and help her succeed. I believe she stands on the threshold of one of the most transforming experiences she will have in her young adult life. Will it be easy? no. If it was easy, everyone would do it... right? Will it be spiritually and intellectually challenging? yes. But it is through the challenges we often become stronger and closer to our Heavenly Father.
In the midst of our preparations over the last week or two, God placed a wonderful analogy in front of me: In the Old Testament, under Mosaic Law, special vessels were made for the temple; gold cups, candle stands and so on. It took a great deal of preparation to make these things perfect for use in the most Holy Place. Unlike a regular cup or pot made from clay or wood for private use, these items took more time and skill. Being made isn't easy, it requires hammering and sanding and detailing and fire through quite an extensive process. In the end you have a perfect piece which can be used for the greatest Work.
And so I believe it is with our children. So it is with my daughter.
Today, my mama heart just had to pour all this out.
...as I breathe a short rest from sitting by her side to help encourage and guide her entrance essay and filling out her first full-length application (on her own)....
... as I take a break from pouring over classes completed and grades earned and pushing all the numbers to reveal a necessary transcript...
... reflecting these days over the years of her high school experience and fearing all her high marks were my favoritism yet recognizing how much they were truly earned....
And yet, while I breathe in this break, post-application drop-off, my throat swells and my eyes water remembering all the challenges overcome and all the love poured into this amazing young woman and how many times I would walk that battlefield again and again just to see how far it has brought her. Will it sustain her when the going gets tough? Will she remember, in those hard places, not just my love and teaching but, more importantly, her Savior's?
I think so.
Her extraordinary faith is the best thing to come out of her mountainous trek to this stage of life. We are blessed to see the Mighty Handy-work! I don't know if she will be accepted or if God will see fit to provide at this time for the financial aspect of her higher education. I do know she is driven, knowing a ministry degree awaits her on the other side of the trials and triumphs of college. All the while, I cant help but look at this young lady and see the little girl who still had so much in front of her. I guess she still does, only this time she has the tools.
That is just this mama's heart.
Blessings,
Thank you so much for sharing your mama heart with us. I still have the journey ahead of us, thank you for the encouragement.
ReplyDeleteIt was too much to keep inside, I am blessed to know it could encourage you today. Raising our children is the hardest yet most wonderful job there is, I am humbled that God has called me and I pray He continues to encourage you :-)
Delete