Believing the Lies

 

It was Homeschool Teacher Appreciation Day and I was pouring over my journal, reflecting on the week thus-far and the dangerous path I had been traveling.  The flaming arrows of the enemy seemed to be at rest.  I had, after all, identified his position, placed him under surveillance and sent in some snipers.  It seriously felt like that kind of battle.

Why the attack?  We are so insignificant in the grand-scheme of life.  I'm no Beth Moore, my husband is no Billy Graham.  So why us?  Perhaps, simply, because the enemy has no regard for who we are, rather, he loathes what we do and Who we represent.  ANYTHING to further God's kingdom falls onto the enemy's attack list.  The saddest part is how he knows all the best angles of attack.... he knows how to get us to believe his pathetic little lies....

You aren't good enough, just give up.
It's too hard, you might fail, just don't do it.
 
As teacher mom, the lies were flying EVERYWHERE, I had a hard time getting out of the way.  I almost broke under the pressure while helping my daughter gather necessary info for the application process at a local Christian college where she plans to study music ministry.  MUSIC MINISTRY, of course the enemy was on the attack.  He was hitting us both.  For me, the encourager and helper to this process, it sounded like this:

You have failed your daughter and she isn't ready for dual enrollment and college level classes.
You are a bad teacher, she is going to fail because of you.
She wants their teaching, not yours, it is proof of how bad you are.
You should have just put them in public school, they would have a better chance....

It was all lies which I was duped into believe at first.  By mid week I stood blankly wondering where my strength went and how I might get it back.  For my daughter the attacks were even more brutal:

No one cares what you have to say.
You always mess up.
You never do anything right.
How do you expect to make it at college, you aren't smart enough.
You are such a screw up, you will screw this up too.

Oh the ugly lies.  Why do we believe them?  Why can't we see through to the beauty of God's Words?  God doesn't guide us through negativity, He speaks to us through positive reinforcement and gentle guidance.

In the midst of the dark battles we faced I found hope in God's Word.  As God would have it, I was reading in Psalm 37 and through it, I felt strength returning...

Trust in the Lord and do good;

dwell in the land and befriend faithfulness.

Delight yourself in the Lord,

and he will give you the desires of your heart.

Commit your way to the Lord;

trust him and he will act.

... Be still before the Lord and

wait patiently for him

fret not yourself over the one who prospers in his way, 

over the man who carries out evil devices!

- Psalm 37:3-5

I saw commands and hope from my God;
Trust
Dwell
Delight
Commit
Be still
Wait patiently

It wasn't a fighting Psalm equipping me to fight back, no, it was a Psalm to remind me God was still in control...

The steps of a man are established by the Lord, 

When he delights in his way;

though he fall

he shall not be cast head long,

for the Lord upholds his hand.

v.23-24

Wait for the Lord and keep his way,

and he will exalt you to inherit the land.

v.34a

The salvation of the righteous is from the Lord; 

he is their stronghold in the time of trouble.

The Lord helps them and delivers them...

because they take refuge in him.

v.39-40a,c

I knew I could
   trust
      delight
         commit
            be still
               wait patiently
because God was my stronghold, He would deliver me.  All my troubles and doubts and weariness were in His strong and capable hands.  He would help me and hold me up AND he would show me the TRUTH in the midst of the ugly lies.  When He led me to Psalm 71, I knew the deal was sealed:

For you, O Lord, are my hope

- Psalm 71:5a

My hope wasn't in my kids, their past, their future.  It is in the Lord.  With that focus, why not have peace?  After all...

If the Lord had not been my help, my soul would soon have lived in the land of silence.

When I thought "My foot slips," your steadfast love, O Lord, held me up.

When the cares of my heart are many,

your consolations cheer my soul.
- Psalm 94:17-19

These Words made all the lies so completely obvious, I couldn't help but deny them power after that.  I even sat down with my daughter and helped her walk out her heart and recognize the voice of the enemy and deny his lies because the Truth of God's Word carries more power.  We gave the cats a fright as we boisterously tackled each lie together:

No one cares what you have to say. People DO care what I have to say.
You always mess up. Sometimes I do mess up, but not ALWAYS, I will learn from my mistakes though.  I'm doing better all the time.
You never do anything right. Always and never are earmarks of the enemy.  I'm onto him and even though I mess up sometimes, I am learning and getting better.
How do you expect to make it at college, you aren't smart enough. I am smart enough, I CAN do it.
You are such a screw up, you will screw this up too. No I am not. I can do ALL things through Christ who gives me strength.

And the one which covers them all:  I praise you [O, God], for I am fearfully and wonderfully made. Wonderful are your works; my soul knows it very well. (Psalm 139:14)


The key to countering the enemy's lies is to turn them around.  If he says "no you are not" you say "yes, I am".  If he says "no you can't" you say "yes I can".  And you claim Psalm 139:14, all humility aside, because it is TRUTH!!


As homeschool mom, I turned those lies around too.  I havent' screwed my children up.  I have answered the Call to homeschool and trusted God to equip me.  My kids are doing great because of Him and they will continue to do great on whatever path God calls them to take in life.  We have our bad days, our days when I feel like I have messed up for the last time.  But we have our good and great days too.  Public school was what I rescued them from and even on our worst day it is still better than their best day in public school.  My eyes are on God.... not them or anyone else.... simply.God.

I shared the overcoming part of this message on Friday in my Claiming Victory article and I promised to write more today... so I have.  Sitting here a week later, I feel GREAT.  It was a rough spot there for a short while, but we are through it and stronger as a result.  Feeling super blessed to have God's Word as a light unto my feet and strength for my soul. 

I pray you would recognize when the voice of the enemy tries to tell you lies and that you would deny him access to your heart and hope!

I hope in your word.  

- Psalm 119:81b

Blessings,

Linking up today with some of these...

This Mama's Heart and Higher Education

She warms my heart.  No one fully knows the crazy challenges we have faced, in all their chaotic detail, raising her into the sweet girl she is today.  I have blogged over the years and shared some...
    ...praying for a heart for the daughter I loved but couldn't understand...
        ...learning how to teach (and have extraordinary patience with) an ADHD child...
            ...trying to string her through the higher expectations of high school when she
               is so strong willed!

Nope, it hasn't been easy.

Sometimes her impulsiveness lead to unfortunate and even awkward situations.  Mostly it resulted in relationships we had to help her learn how to repair (and not repeat certain mistakes).  I have even prayed over potential depression or panic disorder issues and working with her to learn how to focus on Christ and talk to the right people to get through it.  We have even endured the concern and tests of potential temporal seizures... tests which remain inconclusive but did identify temporal activity.  Yet......

She has done marvelously.  

God's hand is on her, we see It in how she has grown and overcome so many challenges.  And now, we stand on the doorstop of higher education and I am scared and nervous all over again.  Will she pay attention in class to get full notes?  Will her flaky and flighty tendencies obstruct her ability to not only understand but also retain the information presented?  Will she set her strong will aside to give the ground needed for compromise in relationships (both academic and personal)?  Will she remember all the lessons learned through impulsive mishaps... and not repeat old mistakes?  Will the pressure of higher academics push her more willy-nilly into depressive or panic-type episodes?  Will the stress of studies insight temporal activity resulting in more seizure type episodes?

Can she do it?

I think she can.  I think she can because I am not in control and she is not in control and the people of the wonderful Christian College we are looking at are not in control.  I think she can because she (and we) believe in a greater Power at work to guide and help her succeed.  I believe she stands on the threshold of one of the most transforming experiences she will have in her young adult life.  Will it be easy?  no.  If it was easy, everyone would do it... right?  Will it be spiritually and intellectually challenging?  yes.  But it is through the challenges we often become stronger and closer to our Heavenly Father. 

In the midst of our preparations over the last week or two, God placed a wonderful analogy in front of me:  In the Old Testament, under Mosaic Law, special vessels were made for the temple; gold cups, candle stands and so on.  It took a great deal of preparation to make these things perfect for use in the most Holy Place.  Unlike a regular cup or pot made from clay or wood for private use, these items took more time and skill.  Being made isn't easy, it requires hammering and sanding and detailing and fire through quite an extensive process.  In the end you have a perfect piece which can be used for the greatest Work.

And so I believe it is with our children.  So it is with my daughter.

Today, my mama heart just had to pour all this out. 

...as I breathe a short rest from sitting by her side to help encourage and guide her entrance essay and filling out her first full-length application (on her own)....
... as I take a break from pouring over classes completed and grades earned and pushing all the numbers to reveal a necessary transcript...
... reflecting these days over the years of her high school experience and fearing all her high marks were my favoritism yet recognizing how much they were truly earned....

And yet, while I breathe in this break, post-application drop-off, my throat swells and my eyes water remembering all the challenges overcome and all the love poured into this amazing young woman and how many times I would walk that battlefield again and again just to see how far it has brought her.  Will it sustain her when the going gets tough?  Will she remember, in those hard places, not just my love and teaching but, more importantly, her Savior's?

I think so.

Her extraordinary faith is the best thing to come out of her mountainous trek to this stage of life.  We are blessed to see the Mighty Handy-work!  I don't know if she will be accepted or if God will see fit to provide at this time for the financial aspect of her higher education.  I do know she is driven, knowing a ministry degree awaits her on the other side of the trials and triumphs of college.  All the while, I cant help but look at this young lady and see the little girl who still had so much in front of her.  I guess she still does, only this time she has the tools.

That is just this mama's heart.

Blessings,

Linking up today with some of these...

Homeschool Journal: Claiming Victory

It has been one of those weeks.  You know, the kind where your faith is tested, your patience is tried, your roll as mom and teacher is hung out where shots are taken.... Some weeks are like that (even in Australia!)

Honestly, though, I don't mind.  Weeks like this test and try me and make me stronger.  Two words sum it all up:  Spiritual Warfare.  My husband and I discussed it this morning, walking off the battlefield sore yet feeling victorious.  He pondered how many parents realize and tackle the battles we and our children face, recognizing and handling them through the power of the Spirit.  So many times we chalk it up as a challenge, a phase to get through, or a road we must walk.  To an extent that is all true.  However, we have to recognize Paul's words in these situations:

For we do not wrestle against flesh and blood, but 

against the rulers, against the authorities, against the cosmic powers over this present darkness, against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly places. 

- Ephesians 6:12

 When our children walk through the muck of a dismal bog, we have to ask, 'what is the REAL issue' and tackle accordingly.

One of my daughters is preparing for dual/early enrollment to a local Christian college.  Her passion peaked this week when she realized she wanted to study Music Ministry.... shortly after excitedly declaring her intended focus, 'flaming arrows' began to fly.  By yesterday afternoon, any topic of discussion with her was like walking through a mine-field.   I will admit, I was frustrated and fed-up.  She is ADHD, impulsive and inclined to shut-down and walk away in a slump rather than face problems productively.  I was blessed with a cool-down session while driving my husband back to work after lunch.  My plan upon return was to sit her down and talk about attitude.  Then God stepped in and I remembered: it is spiritual. 

As we talked I realized the voice of the enemy telling her a multitude of lies about herself.  (Watch for next week's article on Lies We Believe!)  We opened God's Word, addressed and acknowledged the REAL problem... the spiritual battle we were fighting.  After all, why would our 'enemy' (Satan) want a young woman off at a Christian College learning how to use her God-given gift of music to lead entire congregations and people from all walks of life to lay down their burdens and follow the one true King?!  OF COURSE SHE IS UNDER ATTACK!!!!  There are other areas of her life where she is seeking to move forward in God's will for her.... homework, church activities and even her relationships at home all play a part in victoriously claiming the plans God has and therefore, all these areas will come under attack in a spiritual battle to detour and/or destroy.  

But we CAN overcome.  God gives us that power.

When us, as mommy teachers, feel like we are failing, lost, inadequate.... the adjectives could string on.  My guess is, you know what I mean, personally.  We have to ask, 'what is the REAL issue' and tackle accordingly.

Sometimes I feel like the more I work with my kids, the more I learn and become capable at what I do.... sometimes I feel like I am forgetting everything I learned in high school and my few years of college.  I never did finish my degree, it's a long story.  I can say, I prayed about it and God had other plans.  HE equipped me for the job of teacher mom and he called me to it.  As I look at one ADHD child and one Dyslexic, both in high school, both needing to be prepared for the 'real world' and both NOT typical of their peers in more ways than one.... I feel like I am failing.  The lies and flaming arrows of the enemy tell me I am a failure.  He tries to knock me down by saying they would be better off with ANYONE but me.  Yet, Psalm 119 tells us the power of God's Word, the faithfulness of God if we seek Him each day.  And through that power, God steps in and the spiritual battle that wages insights me to arm myself, dig in and counter attack. It isn't always pretty and some days I feel like I am loosing ground rather than gaining it. 

This particular one was long and nasty and took almost an entire week before I drove the enemy and his lies back.  So what was at stake?  How about, the simple fact that I choose to homeschool my children?  I am given the great privilege to teach them according to God's Word.  To encourage them rather than throw them to the den of peer pressure and secular idealism.  My high schoolers started their career in the public sector.  With their challenges they did NOT do well socially or academically.  My oldest, brilliant and the only challenge was the lack of a challenge, spent his entire career in public school.... today he confesses to a detachment from the family because the public school stole him away from us.  I look at my youngest, like my oldest in every way accept I kept her home.  She thrives.  What hope do my kids have if I give up on them?  What opportunities really lay before them if I deny God's call because the spiritual battle overwhelms me?  Where is God's glory in that?  And this week, as I help my daughter prepare for enrollment at the college, where would her hope be if I gave in and gave up?  If I didn't walk this battle field with her?  So I pour through God's word, I CLING to His truths and I tell the enemy NO, YOU CAN'T HAVE ME AND YOU CAN'T HAVE MY CHILDREN because God's power is greater.  I believe God when He tells me I am more than enough when He works through me to teach and lead my children and I claim that victory.

As a writer and a blogger, these attacks try to get through.  An article in the wings on a topic a friend asked about, homeschooling early education, sputters under these attacks.  If I am not a good teacher, how can I presume to encourage others?  But it is a lie (and despite the attacks, the article WILL proceed!) 

Schedules which never go according to plans, chores undone and hard to get on top of, curriculum you doubt, dissatisfaction, feeling you aren't enough, feeling there is TOO MUCH.... it is all a distraction, an attempt to detour us from our Hope and our Trust in God to sustain and complete us.  To pull us through, perhaps not perfectly but certainly victoriously.

No, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us. 

Romans 8:37

What could be MORE THAN????!!!!  Wow, more than conquerors.  Let us claim that, cling to it, shout it on the charge and CLAIM VICTORY over the enemy who wants to steal our joy and hope and peace as we homeschool and live each week.

Here is a song I pray you will crank and shout and use as your battle cry.  Maybe you had a positively, perfectly, great week this week.... or maybe you are like me, repairing the dents in your armor and dressing wounds.  Let us link shields and claim our victory!

Blessings,

Linking up today with:

 

and others... 

 

 

*Pictures are from last spring, we were wrapping up a study on Ancient Rome and the kids wanted to make shields and swords out of some giant boxes we had in the garage (Brenden went for full armor). They then proceeded to have gladiator fights in the front yard with one of the cats sitting in the window acting as Caesar giving the thumbs up or thumbs down to "finish him"!!